Raising Adolescents – A Reflection


Lately, I am the least favorite person of my kids. Not very popular right now, lots of

“Oh come on Mom!”

“But why can’t I have it now?”

“Not Fair!”

You see, I try not to promise anything to my kids because it can be very frustrating for them and I lose my credibility if I break my promise. So what I say instead is “I will try, or I will have to get back to you on that.” Sounds easy? UUhhmmm… no. They will keep checking on you for the hundredth time. It gets really annoying to the point I tell them if they ask me one more time I am no longer considering it and that’s when the battle begins!

Well, my kids are in 11 and 13, both who are in Montessori’s 3rd plane of development. Right now, it’s a grey area and a new territory for my husband and I. Its unavoidable but scary as we’re going to traverse something that we don’t know what to expect, every single day. We needed to arm ourselves with knowledge so that we can navigate the years without losing our sanity.

*Children in the third plane of development are characterized by self concern and self assessment. This is a sensitive period for both critical thinking and exporing social and moral values. Adolescents in this plane have a desire for emotional independence. (“I can stand on my own.”) 

source: https://msb.org/the-montessori-method/four-planes-of-development

So, how do I begin? Honestly, I don’t know. I just have to trust that the foundation we laid in their childhood was strong enough that my children are able to withstand the forthcoming challenges, influences and so forth. Hoping they will use their sensibility most of the time.

What I can do right now is to continue letting them know I am always here for them, that they can talk to me when they are having a hard time, that I will respect them when they don’t want to speak to me, that I will give them time to respond and not be rushed, that there will be chores that needed to be done regardless, and I will always be the Mum who has set firm boundaries since they were young. They may try to push and test my limits, but I will not succumb to them as I need them to feel secure and safe in our family.




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